Ive struggled for my entire life with being teased or outcas..
Added 2024-06-30 00:32:20 +0000 UTCIve struggled for my entire life with being teased or outcast due to my looks. I do not find myself particularly ugly, but the Autism, height and big nose seem to upset people 😅 It’s funny that at 40, I do not so much struggle but am more accepting of my lot in life when it comes to men.
Doing a job that is so based on whether or not people find you sexy has been a funny thing for me every single day Ive done this work. It feels surreal and unexpected every single day. Like a silly little joke between the Internet and me. It always surprises people a bit, “oh… you?” I tell folks all the time. Why wouldn’t I? It’s a job. Normalize sex work as a job.
I have been dragging a bit here. Illness and PMDD hormone cycles aside, it’s honestly because I have had zero safe, secure, praising horny feedback about my person in my real life for years. It’s insanely deflating and weird to be a professional object of desire who is sexless and without adoring prospects to date in her real life.
A man lied extensively to me to break my 4 year celibacy and that has left me feeling awful! Most men don’t take fat women seriously for any kind of mono partnership. Especially not a sex worker who is 40. Then there’s factors like general compatibility, attraction, distance and so on.
I could find one-off fucks if I wanted but that is not what I want. Hopefully, I will not feel so stiff in expression of my sexuality and engaging my horny side soon. I have fantasies and masturbate very regularly, but the showmanship is difficult to coax out.
Maybe I’ll get lucky a find someone enamored with me so I am ignited once more.
Maybe I will reconnect with my spark and creativity and just ignite myself.
Ive been writing scene ideas down like crazy.
My customs have been staring at me, too.
Gotta take a deep breath and trust myself to create fun things and connect with everyone here again.
I will keep making my little posts as to build momentum and habit.
Apologies for this past year; it was so rough.
Thank you for being here ❤️❤️
