Added 2025-04-07 11:37:09 +0000 UTC
hello everyone! a lil personal update and realization id like to share: i pushed through the clear signs of burnout this week and paid for it this weekend. although my mind thinks i can push forward like im neurotypical [something im unlearning and deconstructing slowly over time], my body will physically stop me in my tracks to force a reset. i will say that the past two months have been pretty good since i listened more carefully to my body overall and that can be seen in a lack of sick spells. ive always gone through these cycles of push push push until i inevitably get sick. the week after exams or tests, big flute performances, id be sick to the point where id have to take days out as though i had the flu. looking at my life through the autistic lens has helped me further piece together my experiences and make sense of them. im able to identify potential burnouts and prevent most of them because i allow myself the space to rest especially doing so guilt free. there's this mindset ingrained in me that i must work so hard until i physically and mentally cannot handle it, and, yet, continue to push through. i realized early on in my life that i cannot seem to push through as easily as those around me, but i did so anyway leading to a collapse and actually stunting any progress i could've been making. now, i pace everything out. i listen to my mind and body and prepare myself for tasks. i make sure my environment is as sensory friendly as possible and i bring tools [mental and physical ones] with me anywhere i go to combat overstimulation. doing the prep work in small bits, gradually over time, and having a form of routine within the prep, has really saved me many instances of overwhelm, burnout, and overall exhaustion. i have removed the neurotypical lens view from my brain in regards to my experience and view my life through pastel's lens because that way is the only way i can happily make progress in my life and it's been working out so well. so this weekend was a reminder that my body is not invincible..
